Managing Holiday Expectations: Letting Go of “Should”
by Dr. Donna Atherton, Editor-in-Chief
Dear HS Speaks Readers,
The holiday season can be a time of joy, connection, and celebration—but for many of us, it also comes with the weight of invisible expectations. We may find ourselves stuck in the “shoulds”: I should decorate more. I should feel festive. I should host dinner. I should be grateful, even though I’m exhausted. These thoughts can create pressure, guilt, and stress—especially for those navigating chronic conditions like Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS), mental health challenges, or grief.
But what if this year, we chose to let go of the “shoulds”?
Rewriting the Narrative
You don’t have to measure your holiday season by someone else’s standards. Your experience—whether quiet, reflective, joyful, or tender—is valid. It’s okay if this year looks different than others. It’s okay to protect your peace. It’s okay to say “no” to anything that drains you.
The holidays don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. They can be slower. Softer. Gentler. A walk in nature, a moment of mindfulness, a cup of tea shared with a loved one, or a night spent journaling or resting may hold just as much magic as the grand gestures.
Practicing Honest Self-Compassion
Letting go of “should” starts with tuning in. Ask yourself:
What do I need this holiday season?
What traditions feel nourishing—and which feel performative?
Where can I make space for healing and joy, even in small ways?
The truth is: you get to define what this season means to you.
Your Peace Is Sacred
Whether you’re managing physical pain, emotional fatigue, or just trying to hold it all together, remember—you are not alone. You are not failing. You are human. And sometimes, the most courageous act is simply allowing yourself to rest, breathe, and be exactly as you are.
As you move through the final weeks of the year, may you release the pressure of perfection, and instead embrace presence, purpose, and peace. From all of us at IAHSN, we’re holding space for you—and cheering you on as you care for your mind, body, and spirit.
With warmth and encouragement,
Dr. Donna
